In a twist that shocks no one but still stings like a missed note in an otherwise awesome guitar solo, Ozzy Osbourne — Prince of Darkness, bat-biting legend, and heavy metal’s most beloved mumbling menace — has finally shuffled off this mortal coil. Probably while muttering, “Sharon, where’s me slippers?”
Ozzy, who somehow lived through decades of rock ’n’ roll excess, gravity-defying stage antics, and enough substances to tranquilize a zoo, has officially left us.
Honestly, we thought he’d outlive us all — possibly because he was already, well, 70% indestructible riffs and raw chaos.
Born in Birmingham, England, and later reborn as the wailing frontman of Black Sabbath, Ozzy brought us the sound of doom, made eyeliner cool for metalheads, and taught a whole generation that yes, even a madman can have his own reality show. And yes, he really did bite the head off a bat, but to be fair, he thought it was rubber.
He leaves behind a trail of iconic albums, confused interviewers, loyal fans, and probably a few demons he forgot to check out with. Heaven better prepare for power chords and impromptu mumbling — because the Ozzman cometh.
Rest in peace, Ozzy. Or don’t. Knowing you, you’re already planning a comeback tour in the afterlife.
