A woman in crisis

Dear Manay Gina,

I’m 28 years old, unhappily married for almost five years, and have three children. My eldest is from another relation­ship when I was younger, but my other two kids are with my husband.

I’ve left many times due to my husband’s verbal abuse and poor treatment of my old­est child, his stepdaughter. I repeatedly came back to try and work things out because of all the promises he made to change.

Needless to say, after nu­merous second chances, things are still the same. I am afraid to separate from him because I’m a stay-at-home mom trying to finish my college degree. I really have no confidence in myself or my abilities.

The other twist is that I’ve recently entered into an af­fair with a 21-year-old man. I wasn’t planning on this and never cheated before, but he treats me with respect, love, kindness, and above all, makes me feel wanted. I’m really in love with him and vice versa. He supports my hopes and dreams, and he listens to me without passing judgment.

My problem is this sense of guilt and the fear that my chil­dren will suffer from a broken home. I am so confused and de­pressed. I know the right thing to do, but I can’t seem to take the necessary steps to do it.

                                                                        Nini

Dear Nini,

In the scheme of things, you have much of your life ahead of you. It is nice that your young friend will likely stick around, but he should not be the reason for leaving your marriage.

The reason to leave is a husband who clearly differentiates between his natural children and a step-child. You do children no favor by holding things together when the tension is thick and the marriage is empty. What you call the “poor treatment” of the oldest child should be a strong incentive to act, and unload­ing an abusive partner need elicit no feelings of guilt.

If you separate from your hus­band, he should have some fi­nancial obligations, at least to his children. Solve your problem, a step at a time. More importantly, you have to seek the advice of your parents. You also need to consider your children’s stand on your deci­sions. For professional advice, seek the counsel of our social workers at The Haven for Women at 807-1591. If you are living in the province, The Haven for Women has its satellite centers in all regions. Just coordi­nate with your nearest DSWD office to find them.

With affection,

Manay Gina

“Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount.” – Clare Booth Luceg

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