Dear Manay Gina,
My mother and I have always had a strained relationship. I can say that there has been a lifelong lack of bonding or closeness between us. Now, my mother has reached the age where constant care is needed. But she still loves to create drama, and she has a way of making everyone else, especially me, the bad guy.
What do I do?
Peachy
Dear Peachy,
People who create and then seem addicted to drama don’t change easily. Your mother obviously feels more comfortable in the center of a maelstrom, where she can blame you for her own disappointments and failings.
So, what do you do? Well, you do what a good daughter does, love your parents. In our culture, the child is expected to be there to serve the parent. When that parent becomes elderly the expectation becomes more intense. Given your mother’s volatility, counseling will help you learn to cope with this very challenging relationship. You cannot change her but you certainly can change your attitude towards her.
Now, this is important. Knowing how to love is more important than being loved! When we know how to love, we can make decisions based on our own values that feel good to us, even though we may be giving to someone who has not been able to reciprocate. When you know how to love, it no longer has anything to do with tit for tat. It is about following your heart.
With affection,
Manay Gina
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“What greater aspiration and challenge are there for a mother than the hope of raising a great son or daughter?” – Rose Kennedy
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